This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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