I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
