what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
