singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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