East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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