tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
