So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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