Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
