dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
