Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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