evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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