The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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