If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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