Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Shame - the story of my life.
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