I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
