My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
