is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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