i permit you to call me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
