I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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