Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
