Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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