i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.