then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can Purell be used as lube?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion