omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
