3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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