is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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