dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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