Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
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just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I pour the whiskey from now on
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