I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
