you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker