Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  what do you have against ST

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

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  (540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl
  Replies (11) Good night (3257) Bad night (855)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.

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  (847): he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants. (1-847): you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him. http://tfl.nu/yg4d
  Replies (25) Good night (543) Bad night (2851)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (6115) Bad night (673)
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  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

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  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (9354) Bad night (736)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.

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  (504): I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this. http://tfl.nu/j9b2
  Replies (10) Good night (3959) Bad night (1040)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.

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  (281): Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing. http://tfl.nu/duvr
  Replies (14) Good night (775) Bad night (2749)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?

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  (302): How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel? http://tfl.nu/4qia
  Replies (11) Good night (587) Bad night (1358)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1451) Bad night (360)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to

  (302): View more from Delaware

  yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich

  (302): View more from Delaware

  wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in

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  (603): I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to (302): yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich (302): wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in http://tfl.nu/z48g
  Replies (9) Good night (671) Bad night (328)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.

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  (720): Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up. http://tfl.nu/96a6
  Replies (8) Good night (1545) Bad night (579)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!

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  (803): I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score! http://tfl.nu/zwep
  Replies (2) Good night (332) Bad night (496)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment

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  (773): We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment http://tfl.nu/wv2s
  Replies (2) Good night (580) Bad night (193)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."

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  (505): Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you." http://tfl.nu/718r
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (510)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.

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  (812): She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/w90g
  Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (179)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.

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  (518): Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for. http://tfl.nu/odgq
  Replies (2) Good night (286) Bad night (101)

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