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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

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• 

  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Listen to me plotting my whoredom.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  Are you high right now?

  (1-228): View more from Mississippi

  is that a question or a drake reference?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?

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• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.

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• (914): View more from New York

  The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex

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