Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.