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• (650): View more from California

  in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

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• (530): View more from California

  He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago

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• (904): View more from Florida

  you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account

  (971): View more from Oregon

  It could happen to you too!

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• (407): View more from Florida

  My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  You don't have a cat...

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.

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