the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ttyl tear gas
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
