when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
