party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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