we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
