If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
