I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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