I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
