you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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