I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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