So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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