whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
