Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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