You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
