I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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