Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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