I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
