I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
