Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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