So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
