Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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