Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
