He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
