I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
