you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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