We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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