it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
