dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
