Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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