It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
