So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
