Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
