I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
