Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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