I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
