At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
