if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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