I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No subtext here. People are naked.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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