I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
