Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
