roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
