When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
