she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
