I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
