fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
