i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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