New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
