Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
