I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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