okay pat passed out under dana's car
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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