i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
