she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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