You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
