omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
