I wish i was in the wii world.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
