How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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