When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
